Preparing for Difficult Conversations with Your Son
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Preparing for Difficult Conversations with Your Son
Your heartbeat accelerates as you get closer to having a dreaded conversation. What will he say? How will he react? What if he’s angry with me? What if he feels like we don’t love him? What if he pulls further away from us? What if we say the wrong thing?
Difficult conversations are a necessary part of healthy relationships, but we recognize that just because they are necessary doesn’t mean they’re fun to have.
In our program, we coach parents from admission to aftercare (12 weeks after our guys graduate) on how to approach difficult conversations. Here are some helpful tips for you as you navigate rules with relationship for your family.
Be United
If co-parenting with a spouse, a stepparent, biological parent, or other guardian/caregiver, you’ll want to make sure the both of you are a united front when talking to your son. To refrain from setting up a good cop/bad cop system, being a united front will assist you in sharing the load and will help your son recognize that you as parents are less likely to be manipulated. This will require some serious conversations with each other prior to talking with your son.
Respond, Don’t React
Be careful to wait until you’re calm and less reactive before you talk with your son. It is so easy to react to something your son has done or said, instead of simply responding. We’ve all done it! Reactions are often impulsive, full of emotion, and not always logical. A response is thought- out, delivered in a calm manner, and rational. Appropriate responses take time to develop and require practice. Working toward consistent, appropriate reactions will demonstrate for your son how he should respond to not only you as his parents, but to others.
Know the Purpose
It is helpful to remind yourself why you are having this conversation to begin with. When the purpose of the conversation is rational, out of love, and in his best interest, it makes the process a little less painful. Sure, he may not understand that right away, but knowing your ‘why’ gives you hope for the future and can relieve you of parent-guilt when they don’t respond as you had hoped.
Follow Through
Believe it or not, this is oftentimes harder for parents that it is for your teenagers/young adults. Your son needs consistency. If you say you’re going to do or not do something – follow through. This builds trust and sets the expectation for consistency over time. You can anticipate your son wanting to negotiate or compromise as you begin to do this – especially if that has worked for him often before. However, it’s better for him to trust your word than it is for him not to. This reiterates why you as parents should be careful to respond instead of react, as you don’t want to irrationally “punish” or “discipline” and then have to stick with your decision.
As you consider these things, we encourage you to remember that rules without relationship breed rebellion. Our program focuses on restoring a healthy parent-child relationship, so that boundaries are both given and received with love.
If you or your loved one’s need matches the level of care and support offered at Capstone Treatment Center, we hope to be that answer for you. Call 866-729-4479 and learn how we can be your partners in healing.
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